You better run through the Jungle.

Too good to be true....

Hello Hello,

Where did we leave off? Ah yes, the Jungle trek through northern Thailand. One word to sum it up...UNFORGETABLE. The group and I met up with the tour early in the morning and met our tour guide, Wat. We piled into the back of a pick up and headed to the Thai Tourism Board. This is where we dropped off copies of our passports and we´re told they would go on file "just in case." Just in case what? I get lost in the Thai jungle? Go overboard on a raft? Get trampled by an elephant? The answer was "yes" to all the above.....

Let me explain a bit about this trek. We signed up for a 3 day, 2 night trek through the jungle with promises of hill tribes, home cooked meals, a bit of "light" trekking everyday, elephant riding, and white water rafting. Some of that was true. They did not mention a near death experience by cobra, possible loss of property, or memories of a lifetime.

So back to the pickup, after our little stop for "insurance purposes" our next stop was an orchid farm. Pretty neat stuff, I learned you can grow orchids without soil and in glass jars. Granny, this stop made me think of you A LOT. You would have loved it, HUGE greenhouses and what felt like a maze of flowers all around. Our second stop on the trip was the location of one the scariest moments of my life. We stopped at a Snake Farm. What the hell right???? Never once did I read anything about a snake farm on the itinerary for this thing.

NOTE: Im not a very big fan of snakes to begin with, a trait Im pretty sure I inherited from my dad.

We first walked through the farm and it wasn't all that bad, kinda felt sorry for the snakes to be honest. Their cages were just empty concrete slabs with chicken wire fences around it. One neat thing we saw was a Python eating a chicken though....pretty cool. But the worst was yet to come. Over a loud speaker came, " please come in side for the snake show." I shoulda known better....We all pile into the stage area and there are rows of bench seats up one side and a small little circular stage down in front. Not contained mind you, just open. There are 3 crates along one side and a big cloth bag next to them, little ominous. The whole group sits up at the top row of benches and me being the dumbass, I mean brave one, took a seat at the bottom right infront. The first snake handler pulls out two poisonous cobras.Yes, the cool looking snakes with a big neck that puffs out when theyre pissed off. The guy starts playing with them, and when I say playing I mean pushig them around, pissing them off, and then somehow manages to get close enough to touch their head with his fingers and even KISSES them. WHAT THE HELL???? Just for good measure, so we dont think this is all a joke, he grabs one snake and has it bite a plastic sealed cup and has its venom pour into it to show that they havent devenomized it.( I'm not sure if thats a word, but it should be.) This whole time Im sitting 4 feet from these things while they sliter around, totally in range to bite me if they just turned they attention from the handler to me. Next, the handler starts bringing the snake, holding it by its head, through the crowd. SUPPOSDLY it is considered lucky to touch a cobras head. This is when half the girls bolted out of the arena, James( who moved up in my books) touched the snake, and my heart started to race( I passed on touching it, See last post.) Of course since I passed on touching the back of the snake this little Thai man thought for some damn reason I would want a closer look...a much closer look.

NOT my idea of a vacation

Yes, that is me doing everything I physically can to keep this little Thai man from sticking a cobra into my crotch. Easily, one of the scariest times of my life, my heart rate has never sky rocketed SO fast before. After what felt like hours, the torture ceased and the show continued. In all honesty the rest of the show was a blur, images of Ratsnakes, jumping snakes, and pythons come up, but nothing solid. However, the finale was unforgettable. The bag next to the crates was opened up and out came a giant python. They just let it slither around freely and it headed straight for the pool of water adjacent to the stage. The entire time we all thought this little pool was only a foot deep, if that, but when the python trainer dove head first into the tank( WITH THE SNAKE) we were all in awe. A few moments later he surfaced with the snake "tightly" wrapped around his neck. Obviously a little dramatized for the show, but still quite entertaining.

After the show it was back in the pick up and onto a village of the long-neck tribe. Not really my thing, so I walked around a bit, then found an awesome hammok to laze about it. One solid piece of bamboo....crazy right?

After the village we were back on the road and headed up into the mountains to finally start our trek. We started out for our light 3 hour trek of the day and it was HOT. Soaked in sweat within minutes, but hiking through AMAZING surroundings. We headed up and over streams, past elephants, and through more of a "bush" area, thats what Wat called it, enroute to the halfway point. From there we started getting into thicker jungle. Banana trees, huge ferns, you name it. We were told from here on out it was going to be slightly uphill. Im not an expert at Thai to English translations, but Im quite sure "slightly" doesn´t mean straight up a muddy slope that could easily double as a waterslide. As difficult as the hike up was the views and final destination for the night was more than worth it.

 



 



Never enough jungle shots.

Our accomodaton for the night was WICKED. It was a bamboo longhouse with a great balcony overlooking the mountains. We all showered up, had a few WELL deserved beers, this was the spot of the lost "memorable beer" #1, and settled down for the most delicous meal ever. No power in the house, so the mood was set with candles for a one of a kind game of "I Have Never." I feel it's safe to say we all learned many unexpected things about eachother that night. Details need not be discussed.



If you dont ask, I wont have to lie, I mean tell.



I actually woke up quite early and for the first time on this trip I was cold. I kinda liked it haha. I was soon sweating though once I stepped outside and into the sun. The views were incredible. The sky was so cloudy that at first you couldn't see more than 20 feet from the porch, but as the sun rose and clouds parted tiny peaks of jungle covered hills popped up. One of the best mornings I've had. Unfortunately, the stunning pictures I had were lost...again I'll get to that later.

After a bit everyone got up, we ate a really tasty breakfast. I'm starting to find an addiction to Nescafe 3 in 1 instant coffee packets, better than Starbucks i swear. We headed out on our second day of hiking. The day was filled with plant bubbles, backfiring slingshots, wild chilis( with random leaves to stop the burning, some of us had it worth than others...you know how it feels when you touch your eye after jalapeños? James experienced the Thai chili version after peeing, dumbass hahaha), and waterfalls....

You know, I used to love waterfalls, but not so much anymore. The first waterfall we went was gorgeous, of course I instantly go run into it to swim around and play, take a nice video update, then realize my pockets aren't the best in these shorts, so I turn around and head back to the safe zone to drop my camera off with the girls, next thing I know I'm underwater and cameraless....yes, my longtime friend and companion through sooo many stupid stories this trip was taken by a rather small waterfall. I was DEVASTATED, I searched around a bit for it but there was no hope. What are you gonna do right? Move on and get a new one when I could. After a nice ceremony and a farewell salute it was on to lunch. Which instantly made up for it. Our tour guide Wat made us each our own set of chop sticks and pulled out these lil packets of banana leaves. I unwrapped my banana leaf lunchbox to find fried noodles and chicken, still warm. One of the best lunches.

Banana leaves, who woulda thunk it.

Farewell to a trusty sidekick

We were back on the trail and headed for another waterfall, great right? No sarcasm there, this were my favorite falls of the trip! James and I were obviously the first ones in the pool and the girls followed quickly. This was the location for the second memorable beer of the trip. We stayed at the waterfall for awhile and then were back on the road headed for our last stop of the trip and our place to stay.

 

What do you think? March? April? No, You're right...Cover shot.

It was an Elephant Camp where we were supposed to ride elephants the next morning and head back to basecamp via white water rafting. Plans changed. There was an enormous storm during the night, flash flooding, roads washed out, it was nuts. The river was just crazy the next morning and obviously the rafting trip was cancelled, plus we weren't even sure if we could make it out via the roads, which was a Major problem for me since I had a flight to catch that night. So we were stuck at an elephant sanctuary all morning!!! This is where magic happened, the SECOND time I fell in love within 4 days. I met Simone. The best elephant you will ever meet. Just a babe, haha. Our connection was instantaneous. James and I were lining up getting ready to get on her back and go for a ride, when I jokingly asked the guide of I could take the lead, I had "elephant" experience, and he said yes....

 

This lead to James riding shotgun and me on the neck of Simone, running off into the jungle. Simon and I shared some intimate moments, eating fruit out each others mouths, kisses, we had it all. I miss that elephant.



Our First Kiss...



Foreplay? No way, I call this "Trunkplay"

After a few hours of hanging out we were able to head down the mountain and back into Chiangmai. A quick shower and a few sad goodbyes, or "see you laters with the girls", James and I were off to the airport. James heading to Phuket and I was off to......

Tune in next week boys and girls for the exciting conclusion of today's episode.

Ps. Special thanks goes out to James, Becky, and Jo. You guys saved my life with these pictures. Miss you guys TONS